He's my breath of fresh air

So my best friend tells me that he has a friend of his that he wants to hook me up with. And of course me being a female I says "I need a see a picture", "Does he have kids", "Does he have a job", "What's the deal with him" so he says I'll tell him to send you a picture, so the friend does send me a pic and "WOW" handsome ass dude. I can say that my best friend didn't let me down this time lol. I've been talking to this guy a couple of days now and we have so much in common. I love how he makes me laugh and likes everything new he learns about me. I'm not saying I'm going to jump into anything with this handsome ass man, but dam it feels great to have some one compliment you on the smallest things. Every day I get something new from him. Great things come to you when you least expect them. Why do we have some much in common. Its crazy to me how much we have in common.... Cant wait to see where this friendship goes and if its grow into something more than just friendship. I sure wouldn't mind having a guy like him on my team :) Maybe I need to lose a couple of bench warmers for this star player I have come across, what do you think????

I'm baaaaaccccck again!!!!!

Yes ladies and gentlemen boys and girls, once again I'm back by popular demand lmao... I've returned from my hiatus lol..  Anyways so far this year has been a emotional roller coaster to say the least... I started to work my relationship with my one and only love of my life, then he goes and passes away. How does that happen. Well how do you go from thinking that your his only girl for nearly six years to finding out that the man you've been in love with has been married for twelve years. Go figure that the one dude I let my in my heart, has to do me like that. This has seriously made me re-think the way dudes operate. I mean come on son, you gave me shit for not telling you that I was married in my past and when I kept it 100 with you, you have to die for me to find out the real you. I mean damm talk about "fronting:" So now I have his wifey texting and emailing me trying to see why my phone number is all over his phone bill and why there is pictures of him and I in his phone and computer. Well sweetie, let me break it down obviously you weren't the only one this nigga lied to...Come on how did you NOT know your husband, was doing you wrong for soo long. I mean shit I knew he was doing me wrong and I cut that nigga loose. I guess till "death do you part"... Fellas are always talking about how females lie and do them wrong, but when you get a GOOD  FEMALE that wants to be with you and has your back regardless of what you do. How can you sit there for six years and lead her on. This dude has really fucked up my emotions. Its been hard to let go of six years, but in a way I feel for this chick. If that was me I would of did my investigating before my husband past away. What good does it do you now, I mean he's dead what can you do to him. Take him out of his grave and beat his ass I THINK NOT... Needless to say that this has taught me a GREAT lesson. TRUST no man but your father... I dont care how much a dude tells me he loves and cares for me, there will always be that fear that he's lying... Sooo this time around my guard is up high and if there's a dude out there brave enough to climb that wall and break it down I dare you... It wont be easy for this chick to let a dude in ever again... 

Breath and Release

So I can pretty much say, that this so-called relationship of four years is OVER!!!!

I mean yea its been ruff and we've had our up and downs and now I'm looking back at these for years and just have to let it all go... Its hard to think that at twenty eight I'll be single again. When I was younger and thought about my future it was always I'll have a career, a steady job a good relationship maybe even kids. Well life sure has a funny way of fucking up my plans.

When I got into this relationship, I wasn't even expecting to find someone to fall in love with. Well again life threw me a curve call and I fell right on my face, head over heels for this guy, when in the end he did me wrong, broke my heart and just thought it would be ok for us to work things out, like if nothing had happened. Like if he never cheated, never made me question the fact that he loved me at any point in the relationship. I found myself questioning it all the time, if he even ever loved me at all.

But what's done is done now. I don't have regrets, I've learned from our relationship what to do right in my next one. Not to let myself fall for a guy so fast, You'd think I'd learn by now right, wrong. Yes its going to be hard, not having you in my life, but your bad for me. I'm much more happier now that you don't call. I've realized that I was blind to the fact that you were in this for your convenience. I was your girlfriend when it was convenient for you, when u needed me I was there, when u wanted something who did you call on Me and when I needed or wanted something you couldn't be there. Always had a excuses. I hope that in your next relationship you don't have excuses, I hope that you keep it one hundred with your girl. Like you've always told me to do.. So I'm keep it one hundred with you now.. Yea I loved you and did anything I could to make you happy, birthdays, anniversaries, shit like that who was the one that got spoiled, not me. Let alot of things go to avoid fights, but there comes a point where you just cant take it and you just break, and I've reached my breaking point a long time ago.

Now that I'm let all this out I can take a deep breath and release you and all of my feelings I have for you.

So I'm gonna keep my head up high and not look back, I'm letting you and your excuses go...

I wish you well in all you do and whoever you end up with, because I'm not a hateful person. You'll be fine with out me. Your doing good, you haven't called me so I guess you've found a new fool....

Dont Get Attached

I don't want a relationship unless you can prove to me that not all men are the same... No your words don't mean shit to me....No I can't trust you... No I don't believe you or things you say...Promises are nothing but spoken words to me... I know I'm not your one and only so don't come at me with that... And I know I'm not your "world"... I know my beauty doesn't make your day... No my laughter isn't music.. No I'm not a rebound, so I'm not going to sit here and wait until your ready... And No I wont wait on your call... No you cant see the world in my eyes when you look into to them... My smile isn't magic so don't try that line with me, its not working.... No I'm not too good to be true, none the less your wishes came true... I'm a QUEEN but NOT yours.. I don't need your money I got my own... I'm not different trust me, and really I'm not looking for a fairytale... I don't wish to be your everything, just a major part in your life....I don't need you to be thinking of me every second of everyday, because I'm sure not thinking of you every second of everyday... Make me believe that we can forget about the world by just holding your hand... Tell me I'm beautiful but only if you mean it, I don't have time for all the bullshit... Miss me when I'm not around so I can miss you too.. Let me become your favorite girl, so you can become my favorite guy.... I'm not looking for a prince, I just want a man that wants me to bee myself.....

I'm Baaaaaacccck

I'm back bitches

So I've been away and thinking of things to write about,

Now that my head is full of ideas here I go... I might get a lil sidetracked so just go along with me....

Lets talk or read about

MEN...... I know most of my readers are MEN

Big Up's to my boy Giles out in St.Louis.. WE MISS YOU IN CALI

Anyways

OK so one thing that bugs me the most about guys or men, is that there are SOOOO NEEDY..

Ya'll talk about us females being needy but lately, I've came across alot of NEEDY males...

What's up with that ya'll?

As a female its in our nature to be needy, when it comes to relationships.

We wanted to be taken care of, loved by you, kissed, hugged and everything in between..

But lately its the guys wanting all of that... Then when you dont do all that ya'll feel negelected!!!

I kno this first hand, when my relationship was at it's best. If I wasnt there every moment that he needed me too, I was the bad girlfriend.

But when I need you or want to see you, and you got shit too do, your not a bad boyfriend right.. Your the busy boyfriend tryna to make shit happen for us. Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit Bullshit...

Come on now.. I'm 27 yrs old.. I've had my share of lame young dudes, tryna to run game on me and other girls at the same time.. Giles You know who I'm talking about... LOL.....

If males are going to be soo needy, they should give in return to there girls. for all the shit we do and all the shit we put up with...

Where are all the not soo needy men at.. If your reading this LET ME KNOW!!!!!!!! ASAP!!!!!!!!!

Life Is

Life is too short

To hold grudges, because they are a waste of happiness

Laugh when you can so laugh all the time

Apoligise when you should

Let go of what you can't change for my girls that means ur SCRUB of a man.. Fellaz that means ur GOLD DIGGIN girlfriend...

Love deeply and forgive quickly

Take Chances

Give your "everything" into what you do

Life is too short to be unhappy

Take the good things with the bad things that life brings...

Smile when your sad it shows your STRONG

Love what you have ALWAYS

Remember what you had

Always forgive and learn from your mistakes

I know sometimes in life we make the same mistakes over and over again, but eventually we'll learn from them.

People change and things will go wrong

But always remember

Life Goes On....

There will always be tomorrow

and you can re-write your story

So write in pencil so you can always edit....

Sucker 4 Love Part II

Yes I'll admit that I am a sucker for love and for him too, and he knows that. and yes he'll use that to his advantage, but if the roles were reversed I would do the same thing. If I had a guy that would do whatever he could for me and was there for me when I needed him, it would be easy to take advantage of that situation. And then again who wouldn't. Sometimes I wish that the same amount of love, energy and strength that I put out towards our relationship or what's left of our relationship if there is in deed any left, was reciprocated back to me.

How hard is that. I'm not asking for the moon and the stars because I already that will never happen from you even if it could it wouldn't happen. I want to for once to be noticed as more than your homie that you depend on for everything. I should claim your ass on my taxes... Let me stop before I get sidetracked...Like I was saying it would be nice to see how much you really appreciate what I do for you. Must be nice to have someone love you that much huh, that no matter how wrong you do them their still there for you. Because I can't let you go. I once asked my boyfriend "why he asked me to be his girl" and his response was IDK. WHAT THE FUCK how do you answer that after 3 yrs. You don't know why you wanted me to be your girl. Then tonight I asked him "do you feel fireworks when we're together" and he answered "what do fireworks feel like" again WHAT THE FUCK... That's all you can come up with. So by this point I have this feeling that either your being your smartass self or you have NO clue why your even with me... As I read my text message I could literally feel my anger level rising... I sat back and thought why do I let him get to me, I should of already known that he was gonna come with a smartass remark.

Is it that you can't really express how you feel or if you even feel anything for me at all. I mean you must still have some kind of love for me because you say your not going anywhere. And that no matter who trys to break us up its not gonna happen.

Here's the answer to my question.. " this is what fireworks feel like"

When your with a person and nothing else matters, when you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't explain. That feel in your heart when that special someone is on your mind.. That fucking feeling I'm getting right now as I think about you...

Ugggh why can't you love me the same way I love you.... Dammmit sometimes I feel that I'll be better off without. And all I want to do is leave and forget these past three years and pretend that you were never a part of my life. Who am I kidding I love you and I can't quit. I've tired to forget about you and you wont go away. Your always there... WHY? How come I'm never on your mind like your running around in mind. Driving me crazy wondering when your gonna call. Then there's those days when all you do is call me and text me and want to me see. So by this point I'm also thinking he must be bored, he must have nothing to do, so he looks on the bottom of his list and there I am... Last on the priority of list when he's always at the top of mine. Why is it that females always love more, give more want more. Damm we're soo needy... It's just in our nature to want to be loved and fell like we are some one's whole world. I really hope that you soon open your eyes to what a great girl you have and how much she deserves to be happy and if you can't ever make that happen let me know, so I can start my search all over again. I can see this its gonna be fun looking for love in all the wrong places...

Until that day comes I'll just be a sucker for love.....

sUcKeRs 4 lOvE

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Peeps always tell me you've never really been "in love" with someone. We've never seen you head over heels for a guy(maybe because I chose to keep my lovelife to me and mine)... Ummm I guess you idiots haven't been looking close enough at my silly ass. I've been in love with this guy for the past three years, come on now friends if you haven't seen that, then you're blinder than me and I'm freaking blind as a bat.. Thank god for glasses or else I'd be fucked.... Well anyways.. Yea dummies I love him and his name wont be mentioned because he's cool like that. It hasn't been easy for me. I've been hurt by a guy like the other one million women in the world, and yea its taken me sometime to really get over my hurt from previous relationships... But I've learned to look past the hurt and really when you find a new love its all different. I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that love is beautiful, love changes people its the best feeling in the world yea ok... Bullshit we all know that's a daaam lie.... My friends I'm not here to paint a pretty picture for ya. I know alot of you come to me with questions because I tell you straight out and leave the bullshit out. I don't care about hurting your feeling why because I would want you to tell me something and leave the bullshit out.. Come straight with it no telling me "how do I tell you this without hurting your feelings" Umm yea just say what you gotta say.. I hate when my girls do that shit.

So the reason for my blog today is that I've been thinking alot about my love life and how its been really shitty, and I sit and think is it me. Is it something I did or they way I don't care what my significant other does when I'm not around... How maybe this love has just turned into friendship when at one point it was all I could think about, and now I don't really sit there and think why hasn't he called me, is he seeing someone else, why does he only call when he needs me to do something for me or he wants to bust one hahaha... Then there's all the dumb fights over the smallest thing Oh lord.....It started to get old, so yes I'll admit that there was times where I wanted to give up so bad and then there was times where I was like ummm is he really what I want, does he really make me happy. Then there's the whole my family thinks I'm your sidepiece to your other girl. So yea even though all this was running in my head I still stuck it threw... I was like fuck it I'm 27 yrs old I'm not not getting any younger and I don't wanna be dating the rest of my life. I want to settle down with someone and just that one person. But then came the biggest heartache of all, when we broke up and didnt talk at all for about two months...

I mean it was hard to get over the initial shock of me really being single, I mean we had broken up before for a day or two nothing serious. But this a whole two months without talking texting or anything was CRAZY. It had never happened to your girl before. So after not thinking about what I did wrong I sat there and thought. You were the best girlfriend you could be to him and if he couldn't appreciate that then its on him right. So even tho we're now trying to make things better with us its still a lil hard to trust him when he says he loves me, because he rarely said it before and all of a sudden its the last thing he says before he hangs up the phone, or I get a random text that says I love you. And it just makes my heart melt. Dammit WHY does this have to happen. Why does the fact that you love some make you do all that... Shit how come I cant just be strong anymore, how come I can't just pretend that I didn't see the text or hear him say that he loves me. why when I see him I get that feeling in my heart and when he smiles at me that feeling gets me again... HELLLP

Ooooh I know why.. I'm a sucker for him and I'm a sucker for love

Love is like fire,You know it will hurt you and we still decide to play with it....

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