Yes I'll admit that I am a sucker for love and for him too, and he knows that. and yes he'll use that to his advantage, but if the roles were reversed I would do the same thing. If I had a guy that would do whatever he could for me and was there for me when I needed him, it would be easy to take advantage of that situation. And then again who wouldn't. Sometimes I wish that the same amount of love, energy and strength that I put out towards our relationship or what's left of our relationship if there is in deed any left, was reciprocated back to me.
How hard is that. I'm not asking for the moon and the stars because I already that will never happen from you even if it could it wouldn't happen. I want to for once to be noticed as more than your homie that you depend on for everything. I should claim your ass on my taxes... Let me stop before I get sidetracked...Like I was saying it would be nice to see how much you really appreciate what I do for you. Must be nice to have someone love you that much huh, that no matter how wrong you do them their still there for you. Because I can't let you go. I once asked my boyfriend "why he asked me to be his girl" and his response was IDK. WHAT THE FUCK how do you answer that after 3 yrs. You don't know why you wanted me to be your girl. Then tonight I asked him "do you feel fireworks when we're together" and he answered "what do fireworks feel like" again WHAT THE FUCK... That's all you can come up with. So by this point I have this feeling that either your being your smartass self or you have NO clue why your even with me... As I read my text message I could literally feel my anger level rising... I sat back and thought why do I let him get to me, I should of already known that he was gonna come with a smartass remark.
Is it that you can't really express how you feel or if you even feel anything for me at all. I mean you must still have some kind of love for me because you say your not going anywhere. And that no matter who trys to break us up its not gonna happen.
Here's the answer to my question.. " this is what fireworks feel like"
When your with a person and nothing else matters, when you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that you can't explain. That feel in your heart when that special someone is on your mind.. That fucking feeling I'm getting right now as I think about you...
Ugggh why can't you love me the same way I love you.... Dammmit sometimes I feel that I'll be better off without. And all I want to do is leave and forget these past three years and pretend that you were never a part of my life. Who am I kidding I love you and I can't quit. I've tired to forget about you and you wont go away. Your always there... WHY? How come I'm never on your mind like your running around in mind. Driving me crazy wondering when your gonna call. Then there's those days when all you do is call me and text me and want to me see. So by this point I'm also thinking he must be bored, he must have nothing to do, so he looks on the bottom of his list and there I am... Last on the priority of list when he's always at the top of mine. Why is it that females always love more, give more want more. Damm we're soo needy... It's just in our nature to want to be loved and fell like we are some one's whole world. I really hope that you soon open your eyes to what a great girl you have and how much she deserves to be happy and if you can't ever make that happen let me know, so I can start my search all over again. I can see this its gonna be fun looking for love in all the wrong places...
Until that day comes I'll just be a sucker for love.....
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